A+good+LauGh

= If you're going to go down, go down with style. Failing your final exam can actually be an amusing experience, depending on what you make of it. Here are some suggestions... = > interesting things (DCCAB, BABE, etc..).
 * Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
 * Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
 * If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
 * Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
 * Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
 * Bring cheerleaders.
 * Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
 * Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.
 * On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
 * Bring pets.
 * Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
 * Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
 * Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
 * Come into the exam wearing a pair of birkenstocks, and nothing else.
 * Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
 * Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
 * Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
 * As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
 * Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
 * Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
 * Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
 * Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out
 * Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
 * Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Screw this!" and walk out triumphantly.
 * Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink).
 * Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
 * Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
 * Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
 * Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
 * Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
 * Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
 * From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
 * Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
 * If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations.
 * Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.
 * Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
 * Bring cheat sheets FROM ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out, too) and staple them to the exam with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
 * When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
 * After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
 * One word: Wrestlemania.
 * Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
 * Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
 * Play Frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
 * Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
 * Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
 * During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
 * Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
 * Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".
 * Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why My Professor Sucks".

= **A library is a somewhat easy place to annoy the people sitting around you, but for those of you with less then stellar creativity, we have made a list of things you can do...** = 1. Read out loud. Very loud. And slowly. 2. While pointing to a very simple word, like 'the', ask the person next to you if he/she can pronounce it for you. 3. While looking at your book, turn so you're facing the person. Then, peer over the top of your book, and say "PEEKABOO!!" 4. Put down you book, and look over and start reading the other persons book, and, either 1) say "Ooo. Nice book." or 2) when he/she looks at you, quickly pick up your book and act like your reading it. 5. Suddenly look over at him/her, and say, "You're one of THEM!" 6. Put down you book, and look at him/her. When they says something like "what?", cut them off by saying "Are you accusing me of something?" 7. Read your book. Upside down. 8. Read your book from right to left. And flip the pages the same way. 9. Flip the page every two or so seconds. 10. Pick up your book, put it down, and say, "Wow. That was a good book." 11. Read silently, and then as if speaking to the character in your book, say, "No, Jim! It's a trap! Don't do it!!" Then turn to the person and reply solemnly, "He did it." when he/she looks at you. 12. Turn to the person and ask, "Have you ever experienced Déjà vu and amnesia at the same time?" 13. Start arguing with yourself, then when he/she looks at you funny, say "Ohh, I'm sorry. I was just telling my subconscious to be quiet." 14. Sit down, and then say to the person next to you, "Hi! My name's (_) and I'm really glad to meet you." 15. Ask him/her if he/she knew there are eddies in the space/time continuum. 16. Ask him/her what species he/she is. 17. Every so often, yelp in pain, and look at your feet. 18. Bring a bag or purse, and peer into it and say, "Got enough air in their?" or, "Settle down in there. I'm trying to read!" 19. Ask them what their name is, and then when they start to reply, cut them off by saying, "No it isn't!" 20. Break the silence by making a bodily function noise, then say, "Wow! That was a good one!" 21. Every time the person next to you turns the page, make a strange sound, or a beep. 22. Announce the page number each time you turn a page. 23. Constantly shift in your seat, and if the person next to you asked what is wrong, reply by saying, "I'm constipated. Hehe." 24. Spell every single word as you read it. 25. Chew gum with your mouth open, and smack your lips while reading. 26. Act like you're picking your nose. And eating it. 27. Snort loudly, and gargle with your spit. 28. Sneeze a lot. 29. Hold your book right next to your eyes. 30. Every few minutes, get up out of your chair, walk around the table, and sit back down. 31. Stand up, and continue reading. 32. Make a strange sound every few minutes, then act like you didn't do it. 33. Bring a bag of cat food, and start snacking on it. 34. Bring a box of crunchy cereal, a bowl, and a spoon. Then dig in messily, and crunch on it. 35. Ask them, "Got milk?" 36. Read out loud attempting to pronounce easy words. Butcher them badly. But be able to pronounce hard words. 37. Fall out of your seat, then say, "I meant to do that." Then do it again. And again. 38. Bring a laptop, and turn up the sound, and play a very noisy game. 39. Wear too many sweaters, and complain how hot it is. 40. Bring one of those fans with a squirt bottle attached, and make it look like you�re attempting to squirt yourself, but hit them instead. 41. Bring a bottle of squirtable mouth freshener, and miss every time you try to spray it into your mouth. 42. Wear A LOT of putrid smelling cologne or perfume. 43. Spill that same cologne or perfume on their book. 44. Put down your book, then say, "Hey, ya wanna trade?" 45. Bring a recording of very obnoxious music, and hide it in a bag. Turn it up full blast, and accuse them of having it. Keep accusing them, then get the librarian to come. When they find it in your bag, yell, "IT WAS PLANTED ON ME I TELL YOU!!!!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!! IT'S A GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY!! ALIENS BEAMED IT INTO MY BAG!!! IT'S BECAUSE I DIDN'T LET THEM DO EXPERIMENTS ON ME!!" 46. Without looking away from your book, say to no one in particular, "I know what you did last summer." 47. Bring a piece of bread, and drop pieces of it down the little hole in the center of the table meant for cords. 48. While reading your book, start humming a single note until you're out of breath, then collapse on the floor. Then get back up, and continue reading like nothing happened. 49. Start singing "This is the song that never ends. . ." 50. While placing small pieces of bread in a line, count one, two, three. . ., and lose count every ten or so. 51. Bring a recording of a popular song. Play it on headphones quietly, but sing along very badly. Then say to the person next to you, "I took singing lessons!" 52. Turn to the person sitting next to you and say to them, "Hey! How ya doin'? That's great, me too." 53. Instead of a laptop, bring your entire computer! 54. While working at a laptop, suddenly stand up, and announce to every one, "I have mail!!" 55. Start staring at the person, and when you have their attention, announce, "I measure sock by thickness!" 56. Turn to the person next to you, and ask them to pronounce their name backwards. When they ask you why, tell them that you are looking for hidden messages. 57. State proudly that you have been to the "other" side. Give no explanation. 58. Suddenly grasp your heart, let out a wail, and fall to the ground. Then get back up like nothing happened. 59. Collapse on the floor. Then get up like nothing happened. When the person next to asked what is wrong, look at him/her with an inquiring look on your face, and say, "What do you mean?" 60. Say, "It always starts so weird, and they do it so weird." When they ask, "What?" say, "Ohh, sorry. I'm back now." 61. Start telling a VERY strange story, then half way through say, "Never mind." 62. Turn to them and while pointing your fingers at them as if you were electrocuting them, say, "BUZZ!!! BUZZ!!. . ." 63. Start arguing with yourself. When they ask you who you are talking to, say, "Your just jealous 'cause the voices are talking to ME!!!" 64. Say, "Who's Freddie?" Then act like you didn't say anything. 65. Say, "Argh! My central nervous system in shot! Quick! Give me blue china!!!" 66. Introduce your self by saying, "Hi! I'd like a hamburger, and a green South America please." When they ask what your problem is, say, "Ohh, your not my fairy god mother? I'm sorry, he must have flown into the bookcases. Bye!" and run off. 67. Continuously rub a book while chanting, "Come out, come out. I know you're in there!" When they ask what you're doing, say, "I'm calling the book genie out!" 68. Run up to them with a book, thrust it under their nose and ask, "Will you sign my autograph?!?" Make sure you say MY. 69. Get up onto the table, and start acting like a duck. When they ask what you're doing, say happily, "I'm roosting!" 70. Bring a bottle of glue and sniff it while counting down from a very high number. When they ask what you're doing, say, "I'm counting my brain cells!" 71. Stick a "kick me" sing on your back, and accuse them of putting it their. 72. Repeat every thing they say to you. 73. Ask them, "Have you ever had an orange juice bath?" When they look at you strangely, say, "What?" 74. Look up suddenly and yell, "Ohh no!" When they ask you what happened, say, "Nothing." Then do it again. 75. Stare accusingly at the other person, and when they look at you, say, "Where were you on the night of February 32, 1989?!" 76. Look at one page number, then a different one. They say in astonishment, "Wow! The page numbers are in order! Cool! They guy who came up with that musta been a genius!!" 77. Glance over your shoulder every few seconds. 78. Maintain a look of horror constantly, but act normal other wise. 79. Say to him/her, "You have the right to remain silent!" 80. Pat your stomach and say, "Whoa. Human extremities do not settle well." 81. Get a child's book like "Green Eggs and Ham" and complain that there is no glossary. 82. Find a thesaurus and say in complete astonishment, "Wow! Did you know that "affirmative" and "yes" mean the same thing?� 83. Say, "Omph!" like you were just shot, and while smushing a ketchup pack on your chest, fall on the floor. Then get back up like nothing happened. After that, look at your stomach, and say, "What? How'd this stain get here?" while motioning to the ketchup.



= **50 fun things for professors to do on the first day of class...** =

1.Wear a hood with one eye hole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.

2.After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.

3.After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"

4.wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.

5.Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"

6.Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask 'me', Winky Willy."

7.If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"

8.Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in you grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk."

9.Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird."

10.Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.

11.Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.

12.Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.

13.Announce "you'll need this," and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.

14.Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.

15.Start the lecture by dancing and lip-synching to James Brown's "Sex Machine."

16.Ask occasional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps would know" and move on before anyone can answer.

17.Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.

18.Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.

19.Address students as "worm."

20.Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.

21.Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.

22.Ask for a volunteer for a demonstration. Ask them to fill out a waiver as you put on a lead apron and light a blowtorch.

23.Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each student's name, rank, and serial number.

24.Begin class by smashing the neck off a bottle of vodka, and announce that the lecture's over when the bottle's done.

25.Have a band waiting in the corner of the room. When anyone asks a question, have the band start playing and sing an Elvis song.

26.Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your sentence and proceed normally.

27.Wear a "virtual reality" helmet and strange gloves. When someone asks a question, turn in their direction and make throttling motions with your hands.

28.Mention in passing that you're wearing rubber underwear.

29.Growl constantly and address students as "matey."

30.Devote your math lecture to free verse about your favorite numbers and ask students to "sit back and groove."

31.Announce that last year's students have almost finished their class projects.

32.Inform your English class that they need to know Fortran and code all their essays. Deliver a lecture on output format statements.

33.Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers McGee" and is your "mascot." Whenever someone asks a question, walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"

34.Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you "Snuggles."

35.Tell your math students that they must do all their work in a base 11 number system. use a complicated symbol you've named after yourself in place of the number 10 and threaten to fail students who don't use it.

36.Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular intervals.

37.Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.

38.Have a grad student in a black beret pluck at the bass while you lecture.

39.Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.

40.Give an opening monologue. Take two minute "commercial breaks" every ten minutes.

41.Tell students that you'll fail them if they cheat on exams or "fake the funk."

42.Announce that you need to deliver two lectures that day, and deliver them in rapid-fire auctioneer style.

43.Pass out dental floss to students floss to students and devote the lecture to oral hygiene.

44.Announce that the entire 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica will be required reading for you class. Assign a report on Volume 1, Aardvark through Armenia, for next class.

45.Ask students to list their favorite show tunes on a sign-up sheet. Criticize their choices and make notes in you grade book.

46.Sneeze on students in the front row and wipe your nose on your tie.

47.Warn students that they should being a snack lunch to exams.

48.Refer frequently to students who died while taking your class.

49.Show up to lecture in a ventilated clean suit. Advise students to keep their distance for their own safety and mutter something about "that bug I picked up in the field."

50.Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream, "Are you pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED? I CAN'T HEEEEEAR YOU!" ||

= **Haven't you ever had the urge to loose control when ordering that burrito or burger and drink combo?** = 1. Ask for last months specials. 2. Place your order in three different languages if you don't know any, make them up. 3. When they repeat your order totally change it. Repeat as desired. 4. Order a whopper from McDonalds, when they say they don't have whoppers insist that they do. If they still argue demand to see a manager then when you talk to them order a normal meal and say i don't know what's up with kids these days. 5. Go to any burger joint and order Chinese. 6. When ordering in the drive through, ask if its happy hour on draft beer. 7. In summer turn stereo up full volume to Christmas music while ordering in drive through. 8. Drive in the drive through, park, then go inside and order. 9. Go through the drive through in reverse, again. 10. Wait for the busiest time of day, after paying get out of car, get jack out of trunk and proceed to rotate tires. 11. Check oil in drive through, possibly touch up the windscreen with some glass cleaner. 12. Walk up to drive through window with hands in the air like your holding onto a steering wheel. 13. Go through drive through and ask for directions to the place you're at. 14. Go through drive through naked, excluding the rabbit slippers of course. 15. Go inside and ask in a load voice if they got rid of the Ebola problems they've been having 16. Argue with your passenger (that's not there) and continue until you pay. 17. When they ask if that will be all tell them to hold on, your dog won't make up his mind. 18. After eating half your meal return it and say you got the wrong thing and ask for a refund. 19. As you're pulling away and they say "Have a nice day!" (with that retarded smile) put the car in reverse and ask them what the hell that's supposed to mean. 20. Order something from one fast food place then go to another drive through when they give you your food take one bite and say "No thank you this tastes better (pointing to bag from other place), may i have my money back.  21. Play name that tune with person taking the order.  22. Pretend your deaf and order in sign language.  23. Go through Taco Bell order the 7 layer burrito. When they repeat your order ask if each layer of the burrito is sold separately.  24. When they ask how you are today proceed by telling them about your diarrhea problems, most likely due to the burger you bought from them yesterday and the day before that.

25. Go through a drive through after they tell you to pull to the window drive past it and go inside to get your order. = = = = = = = = = **100 ways to order a pizza the fun way... because why do it the non-fun way ?!** =

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. Use CB lingo where applicable.

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.

8. Answer their questions with questions.

9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition, ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.

10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT SYSTEM.

11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.

13. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."

15. Stutter on the letter "p."

16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)

17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

18. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.

19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If asked "Would you like drinks with that?", panic and become disoriented.

21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

22. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.

23. Change your accent every three seconds.

24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.

25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"

26. Start your order with "I'd like. . . ". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."

27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."

28. Rent a pizza.

29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.

30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

31. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.

32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."

33. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"

34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.

35. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.

36. Imitate the order taker's voice.

37. Eliminate verbs from your speech.

38. When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."

39. Play a sitar in the background.

40. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.

41. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.

42. Ask to see a menu.

43. Quote Carl Sandberg.

44. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.

45. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.

46. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.

47. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.

48. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.

49. Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"

50. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"

51. Psychoanalyze the order taker.

52. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.

53. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."

54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.

55. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.

56. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.

57. Report a petty theft to the order taker.

58. Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town."

59. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.

60. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."

61. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

62. Try to talk while drinking something.

63. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!"

64. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.

65. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.

66. Be vague in your order.

67. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."

68. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.

69. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.

70. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."

71. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.

72. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.

73. Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.

74. Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.

75. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.

76. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.

77. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.

78. Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.

79. Put them on hold.

80. Teach the order taker a scret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.

81. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."

82. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.

83. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"

84. When you'ge given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."

85. Haggle.

86. Order a one-inch pizza.

87. Order term life insurance.

88. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"

89. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.

90. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.

91. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.

92. Engage in some serious swapping.

93. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."

94. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.

95. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.

96. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.

97. Order a steamed pizza.

98. Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up.

99. Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging.

If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, 100. Say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."

=Things that Uni life (not classes) will teach you ; =

Quarters are like gold.Flip-flops become as important as soap, and shampoo. Asleep by 2:30 AM is an early night. New additions to the food groups: Mountain Dew, Doritos, Ben & Jerry’s, Ho-Hos and Oreos. Make sure your alarm clock has back-up batteries. Duct tape heals all wounds. Showers become less important. Sleep becomes more important. 10 minutes is more than enough time to get ready for your first class. Going to the mailbox was never an ego-booster (or ego-breaker) before. You begin to nap again. The book your professor wrote is always required for his class. E-mail becomes your second language. Frat parties are exactly like they are in the movies. Ten-page papers used to sound impossible, now they’re a Godsend. You never realized so many people are smarter than you. You never realized so many people are dumber than you. Professors are like celebrities: you see them, but they never see you. Bum rides, money, notes and snacks as much as you can get them. Don’t burn bridges, especially if he’s good in Biology. Plain pasta never constituted a complete meal before. The health service attendants are there because they couldn’t make it in a real hospital, never ever forget that. Forget putting the toilet seat down, you just pray that they flush. Frisbee becomes a contact sport. Care packages rank up there with birthdays. College girls are the same as high school girls – just with more freedom, and no curfew. Pop a vitamin and breakfast is covered. Learn to love your roommate, especially when he leaves you the room. You always thought that worshipping the porcelain god was just an expression, but it’s not. Printers only break down when you desperately need them. Even though the beds are long, they are also extra narrow. Things that were a huge deal in high school are now commonplace. You never thought you would share so much about yourself with people you have known for such a short time. Computer games go in and out faster than the latest fashions. Any game can be made into a drinking game. Disney movies are more than just classics. Find one thing you like in the dining hall and go with it. You will hear more stupid nicknames than you ever thought possible. Phone calls almost never happen and when they do, you just don’t get the messages. Cereal makes a meal any time of day. Keep your high school term papers; nowadays, everything is recycled. ATMs are the devil’s advocate. Beware the boy in the Care Bear toga. You almost forget how to drive. You’ll drink anything if it’s free. People still cheat; it’s just more technologically advanced. You get really good with excuses for skipping class. The girl you’re going to marry may live right next door, so keep your stereo down. Ordering food at 1 AM is a common occurrence. You never realized how cool you can be. TV becomes a bigger time sucker than ever before. You realize how great your hell summer job was once you have to study. Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them more than ever before. You meet the type of people you only thought existed in the movies. You learn to sleep with light, noise, extreme temperatures, and roommates snoring. You don’t have to cover your textbooks anymore. You become a juggler with the balance between school, friends, girls, activities, work, parties. You live for chicken finger day at the cafeteria. People that were geeks in high school seem okay now. You begin to realize that college is about the ideal lifestyle, except for those pesky classes. You get good at rationalizing on whether to do homework or not. Procrastination becomes an art. Jeans may be worn as many times as the wearer desires. The only reason you ever dress up is when everything else is dirty. With all the wealth of knowledge around you, you start to feel like you’re on intellectual welfare. Going to the mini-mart is a major treat. Amount of alcohol consumed is inversely proportional to grade point average. You have two kinds of shoes: everyday shoes and party shoes. Classes: the later the better. The cute girls actually talk to you now. Care packages make it all worthwhile. The longer you’re there, the less you talk about home. Always wear your safety goggles. They’re not kidding. You don’t learn last names. Card games never lasted for hours before. Vacuuming happens every semester, if you get around to it. Boys will dance in college. People who never talked to you in high school are now your best friends when you come home. You are NEVER alone. It’s amazing how late you can stay up doing absolutely nothing, yet falling asleep in class or in the library takes an average of two seconds. You spend a ridiculous amount of time pondering the mystery of whether the Lucky Charms in the cafeteria are the real thing. People magazine is your deep philosophical reading material. You begin to subdivide your room into sections such as den, library, etc. to make it sound like a house. All you have to do to make new friends is have mom send some cookies. You never realized how quiet your house was. Dishes aren’t dirty enough to wash until they have bugs and / or mold in them. You get along so much better with your family now that you never see any of them. Your life will never be the same again.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2dKD6h/www.funnyordie.com/articles/e85111f5f4/6-life-changing-uses-for-binder-clips-that-you-could-ve-easily-thought-of

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1PK9oS/www.funnyordie.com/videos/f5a8285be1/dog-in-swing